Family Character

Have you ever wonder why some families seem to get along with each other and find true contentment and happiness, while others are ravaged by anger, bitterness, and division?  The difference is not money, education, or opportunities.  The difference is character.  Some families are very poor, yet are truly successful in terms of family relationships.  There are also wealthy families who have never experienced true peace and happiness.  That is not to say the poor has character and the rich do not.  Character is found when God has been the center of one’s life.

Things I learned from the porch swing, the kitchen table, the rocking chair, living in the country and church.

In spite of unprecedented technological developments, there is a growing concern that we are failing in the most important of all achievements—building stronger families.  Just recently we have been told by researchers that marriage has lost support among some of the religious faithful. In some denominations, pastors avoid preaching and teaching about marriage for fear of offending divorced parishioners or those who are “living together”.  Marriage is also discredited or neglected in the popular culture. Consequently, young adults, who desperately want to avoid marital failure, find little advice, support and guidance on marriage from the peer or popular culture or from parents, pastors or others who have traditionally guided and supported the younger generation in matters of courtship and marriage.  Culture is changing, families are changing, and relationships are changing when we will find some stability?

I have noticed. . .

We have more conveniences to save time and less time to enjoy life

We have more knowledge but less wisdom.

We have expensive houses but broken homes,

We clean up our air and water but pollute our souls and spirits.

We travel around the world but not to our families.

We add years to life but not life to years.

We don’t build houses with porches.  A porch was a place where social events took place with friends and neighbors.

 Here is what I have learned over the years.

From The Porch Swing—My favorite place when visiting my grandparents was the back porch swing.  It was there I learned about my family. Storytelling was a major part of my grandparent’s life.  They had a story for everything about life.  They shared what it was like when they were children.  The games they played the friends they had, and what their family life was like. Every family has certain things they do because someone in the family started doing it that way.  Some of these traditions came from superstitions and some from necessity.  Doing things a certain way was just part of being in the family.  This was the wisdom of the  family. Statements like, “You are so dirty you are not fit to associate with hogs”.“The only way you could become a bigger liar is you’d have to put on weight.” “He’s doing’ good,-- got the world by the tail with a down-hill pull.”  “That dog won’t hunt.”  “A fat dog won’t go huntin’ he just stays around home.” “You are only as good as your word.”

From The Kitchen Table

Hygiene--  Go wash your hands before you come to the table.  Cleanliness is next to godliness.  Take off your hat and comb your hair.

Prayer—Lord we thank you for this food and the hands that prepared it and nourish it to our bodies. Amen

Manners--The kitchen table was a place where you were taught good character. One of the most effective ways to teach character and explain a character quality is by connecting it to something memorable and it will make a lasting impression.

“We don’t eat until we give Thanks” (gratefulness)  “Don’t reach across the table, wait your turn.” (patience)  Pass the bread—please. (politeness)  Don’t take all the potatoes—leave some for someone else.(sharing)  Use your fork, not your hands  Slow down and chew your food and keep your mouth shut when you chew. Eat everything on your plate—there are starving children all over the world.(missions)  Ask to be excused. (respect)

We don’t have rocking chairs today because we don’t have the time to just sit.

  

From The Rocking Chair

Songs of the church---  I learned more songs from the rocking chair than I did at church.  My mother would sing to us while we were growing up.  In turn when we had to “rock” one of our brothers or sisters, we would sing the songs we were taught.

Storytelling--- Mom would have us sit around her rocking chair and she would read or tell us a story.  I listened to stories about James Chalmers, and how he preached to the cannibals.  About Hudson Taylor and his life among the Chinese’s.    I learned to tell those same stories while trying to get my brothers or sisters to sleep. 

Character--- You need to treat your brother or sister with kindness and not be mean to them.  They are your family.  Learned to show them love and real concern.  After all love is the most powerful force there is.  Without love there is no true character development.  Love is the basis for all character.

The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your
family.   

What's mainly wrong with society today is that too many conveniences have taken away our individuality.  We don’t write letters, we text or email.  We don’t read books we surf the web. We don’t play games at the table anymore because our children are connected to a PlayStation or XBox.  We don’t sing together as a family because we are connected to an IPod or MP3 player for our music.  There's not a problem in America today, crime, drugs, education, divorce, delinquency that wouldn't be remedied, if we just had more time with the family---home life builds character.

We wouldn't have near the trouble in our schools if our kids learned from their parents at home.  There were very few crimes committed in the rural communities criminals didn't stop by to rob or rape, if they knew they'd be welcomed by 5 vicious dogs and a double barrel shotgun.

Our values were better when our families were close!  Dad played ball with his son not because he wanted him to be a great ballplayer but because he wanted to just be with him.  Your family didn’t need to be involved in everything.  You enjoyed being at home and had some family time, roasted marshmallows and popped popcorn and pony rode on Daddy's shoulders and learned how to make prettier quilts than anybody, made candy, put puzzles together, played board games, and even sang songs and you made the music. Language was refined you soon learned that bad words tasted like soap.  We didn’t have swimming pools we had a swimming hole. 

Church was important. In church we learned to sit with our parents and be quite.  We never ran in church, walked between adults while they were talking, or spoke without being spoken to first.  We learned to respect the church building.  During the sermon we were expected to listen.  There was no nursery or junior church.  Parents controlled their children with looks, snapping their fingers or thumping you on the head.  When you got home, if you acted up in church you were sure to learn the lesson of retribution and the meaning of sparing the rod and spoiling the child.

Were there family problems?  Yes.  Was there failure in families?  Yes.  Was the family stronger than today?  Yes. Can we change the wrong direction in which families are going? Yes.  If Christ is the center of the family, there can be a change.