Observations of Life

Sometimes the only rest and relaxation I find is in the insanity of life. Over the years I have collected trivial facts that make me smile. Some in my family have accused me I being an encyclopedia of useless knowledge. Let me share some of my observations of life.

• Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
• My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
• The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
• The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
• Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
• Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
• Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
• If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
• I am thankful wrinkles don't hurt.
• One of the few enjoyments of life is to continue to live solely to enrage those who are pay your annuities or retirement.
• In your dreams you are never old.
• I am not 62 years old but 22 years old with 40 years of experience.
• When the Republicans don’t listen to us, we teach them a lesson by electing the Democrats. Then...When the Democrats don’t listen to us, we teach them a lesson by electing the Republicans. Then...When the Republicans don’t listen to us (again), we teach them a lesson by electing the Democrats (again).
• No matter what the situation, this too shall pass.
• Wives should come with instructional manuals.
• In America dogs go to obedience school and kids run wild?
• If ignorance is bliss, the world should be filled with happy people.
• I find bad decisions make good stories.
• A man who says marriage is 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things, women and fractions.
• I have always lived in a two story house-- her story and my story.
• A woman has the last word in any argument.
  Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
• Swearing is the efforts of a feeble mind to express itself forcefully.
• You can agree with me or choose to be wrong.