The Character Family

I’m not talking about a Perfect home. So, when I talk about a Character Family, what I’m saying, in the long run, will our kids describe our home as a safe place ... peaceful home.You might ask, "Why do they need a peaceful home?"

Our children are in a battle all day long. They need a safe place where they can drop their armor to be themselves be protected and loved. Researchers who study the social changes affecting children have found: Forty-two percent of U.S. families with children start out with three strikes against them. 1.) Lack of education, 2.) Lack of commitment, And 3.) lack of maturity.

There have been two areas of studies that I have found most intriguing--- the study of the heart and brain. As Christians we often overlook studies that are not directly related to “spiritual things”. When in fact theses studies only prove the accuracy of God's Word. We wonder why our families are struggling and children are plagued with so many emotional problems could it be we have forgotten what God has instructed us to do to have the Character Family.

Several years ago, I conducted a workshop for parents who had children entering pre-school. Here is some of the information I shared with them. You may find it useful.

Our children are experiencing more emotional problems than ever before. They are labeled LD, EH, ADD, MH, an d new labels are coming out each new school year.

Brain damage caused by bad experiences can increase the risk of developing a wide variety of ills.

• Aggression
• Language failure
• Depression
• Mental Disorders
• Asthma
• Epilepsy
• High blood pressure
• Immune-system Dysfunction
• Diabetes

Let me add, this damage is not caused by a physical blow. It is caused by the improper wiring of the brain neurons.  Child stress research has found: Developmental experiences determine the capability of the brain to do things. If you don't change those developmental experiences your not going to change the hardware of the brain.

The two major factors that are associated with giving a child the proper developmental experiences is: 1.) Quality of home life and 2.) Parent-child relationship. (And we wonder why we have so many messed-up kids).  There is very little home life in our homes today and parent -child relationships are almost  non-existent.  Parents are more concerned about having "quality time" away from their children than with them. 

Researchers are using terms like enriched environment as the real brain food of children. In children the IQ's can be raised as much as 20 point by exposure to an enriched environment.

The circuits controlling emotion are laid down before birth. Then the environment takes over. You have until about three years of age to help your child develop their behavior patterns.

Neurons that fire together, wire together.

If a child's emotional responses are consistently mirrored, then the circuits for these emotions are reinforced. This is done by a chemical reaction in the brain. Serotonin is the brain's master impulse modulator for all our emotions and drives. If you allow your child to “throw a fit” without correction you are hard-wiring your child for this emotional response.

Serotonin keeps aggression in line. When serotonin levels fall, violence rises. When the levels are too high a person becomes fearful. Lowered levels don't compel you to be aggressive. It just permits you to be aggressive by lowering the threshold. That’s why is important to train your child. Training establishes set points of serotonin. These are learned levels. Chemicals which allow brain cells to talk to each others are part of our physiology. Most people are born with a balance that allows them to act in a reasonable way. It is the environment which triggers serotonin and noradrenaline to cause an imbalance in people.

Noradrenaline is the alarm hormone which organizes the brain to respond to danger, producing the chemical that prepare the body to fight or flee. Hot blooded people have high noradrenaline levels. Cold blooded people have low levels. High levels of noradrenaline is an indicator of Post-traumatic stress disorder.

As parent we are the influence on our children's development. At 20 months, babies whose mother talk with them daily knew 131 more words than mothers who did not talk with their child.

In the past people taught that the mastery of vocabulary was an innate capacity of the child. That's not true it has to be learned.

The critical period for learning a spoken language is totally lost by about the age of ten. You can learn a second language later in life but it is highly unlikely you will speak with the correct accent of the language. As an educator I find it amazing schools wait until children are in high school before they offer classes in second languages. The critical period for learning syntax is before age 3. Children speak much like their parents. They model the language and accents.

Movement and muscle control is established by the age of 4. By the time a child is 3 year of age much of it's behavior will be established. The first few years of a child's development is critical to their emotional and spiritual behavior.

Research

• During a child's development, there are a series of time periods, or "windows", in which a child can best learn or refine a particular ability, such as speech and vision. These windows are only effective if there are appropriate environmental stimuli for the child.

• Research shows that the experiences the brain is exposed to in the first three years dramatically influences how it operates for the rest of its life.

• Research shows that the lack of proper stimulation causes brain damage. Other factors causing brain damage are the result of exposure to the wrong kinds of stimulation, such as violence and stress.

• Researchers are finding that genes can be altered by environmental stimulation to work harder or to work less, sometimes increasing a person's risk of aggression or violence. Gene mutations are more easily affected by environmental factors, such as alcohol and stress, making some people more prone to violence.

• Research has found that children born to mothers who have less than 12 years of education have a fourfold increased risk of mental retardation. White children had the same fourfold risk as black children if their mothers didn't complete school. The study of more than 1,000 children showed that mild retardation, defined as having an IQ between 50 and 70, occurs at a rate of one in 100 children. The biggest risk factor for mild retardation is the mother's low education level, which far exceeds the risk posed by poverty.

• Research shows about 22 percent of all birth in this country are to mothers with less than a high school education. These women often do not know how to provide stimulation--- such as talk, toys, and physical activity--- to their infants, which can lead to stunting of the brain during the crucial first three years of life.

• Research shows that sections of the brain develop at different rates and that there are different critical periods for sight, sound, and physical movement.

• Research on the effects of attitudes and emotions on learning indicate that stress and constant fear, at any age can circumvent the brain's normal circuits. A person's physical and emotional well-being are closely linked to the ability to think and to learn effectively.

• Research show the importance of interaction with a child is a major factor in their overall development. Smile at your infant-- the brain will learn to reciprocate the behavior. Talk to children-- the more words they hear, the faster they learn to speak. Play counting games-- it helps develop math and logic skills. Let kids run and play-- it forms efficient connections in the motor system and cerebellum, allowing them to move smoothly.

What is your home like? Is it peaceful.

Is this new? No. Long before there were studies on brain development their were instruction given to parents by God concerning the importance of training children when they were young.

The strength of this country has always been directly related to the vitality of the traditional family unit. The authority and responsibly to raise and nurture children has always been reserved for the parents. Regardless of personal religious beliefs, society has historically upheld the concept of parental and family preeminence. This is based on the Word of God. It is the responsibility of the parents to train their children, not the public school system.

Exodus

13:8 And thou shalt shew thy son in that day, saying, This is done because of that which the LORD did unto me when I came forth out of Egypt.---History lesson

13:9 And it shall be for a sign unto thee upon thine hand, and for a memorial between thine eyes, that the LORD’s law may be in thy mouth: for with a strong hand hath the LORD brought thee out of Egypt.

13:10 Thou shalt therefore keep this ordinance in his season from year to year.

13:14 And it shall be when thy son asketh thee in time to come, saying, What is this? that thou shalt say unto him, By strength of hand the LORD brought us out from Egypt, from the house of bondage:

13:15 And it came to pass, when Pharaoh would hardly let us go, that the LORD slew all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both the firstborn of man, and the firstborn of beast: therefore I sacrifice to the LORD all that openeth the matrix, being males; but all the firstborn of my children I redeem.

13:16 And it shall be for a token upon thine hand, and for frontlets between thine eyes: for by strength of hand the LORD brought us forth out of Egypt.

Deuteronomy 4:9 Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons’ sons;

4:10 Specially the day that thou stoodest before the LORD thy God in Horeb, when the LORD said unto me, Gather me the people together, and I will make them hear my words, that they may learn to fear me all the days that they shall live upon the earth, and that they may teach their children.-- History lesson

6:6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:

6:7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

6:8 And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.

6:9 And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

11:19 And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

11:20 And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates:

11:21 That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the LORD swear unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth.

11:22 For if ye shall diligently keep all these commandments which I command you, to do them, to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto him---

Then and only then will be blessed by God.

Imagine an evening in ancient Israel. The day's work is done, the meal is finished, and the family is gathered around a small fire--it's story time. Father and grandfather take turns relating to the children the "praises of the Lord" (Ps. 78:4). They tell of Abraham's journey. They speak of Isaac. Their voices come alive when they tell about old Jacob. They remember Moses and Joshua and Elijah and the great King David. They recount the history of their own family. And all the time they focus their attention on the mighty works of God in behalf of His people.

That's the way Jewish men fulfilled their responsibility to tell the next generation about the Lord. They had been told by their parents, who had been told by their parents.

Our children need to know about God. They need to learn from us about His love, His faithfulness, and His grace. They need to hear from us about the times He stepped into our lives to protect and provide.

So gather up your sons and daughters and grandchildren. Relate to them how God has worked in your life. Fulfill your responsibility, and tell the children. This is the start towards a peaceful home—A Character Family.