I received the call to the ministry when I was 19 years old. I have followed that call for 54 years. Often, the ministry has created division in our marriage, making it difficult to see the LORD's more excellent vision for us. Jesus warns us, "No city or house divided against itself will stand" (Matthew 12:25). If the devil can divide you and your spouse, then he can conquer your marriage, stripping away your effectiveness for God. Why do you think there is so much divorce in our generation, even in the Church? The enemy knows that he can destroy our effectiveness by dividing our most sacred covenant next to our relationship with God.
Division rarely happens overnight; instead, it starts with seemingly insignificant situations and disagreements. It comes in the form of bickering and arguing, lack of communication, busyness, misplaced priorities, and unmet expectations, to name a few. Division comes when selfishness is the motivation, and pride is the platform from which the two of you interact and engage with each other.
When division ensues, and a husband and wife refuse to reconcile, they choose to remain forever inwardly focused, responding to each other from a place of self-preservation which leads to an unhealthy and brittle relationship, or the couple will experience the complete death of their marriage. However, the antidote to division in marriage is humility in the hearts of a husband and wife, motivating them to choose to lay aside their pride and let things go that created the division so that they may be reconciled. If they do this, they will be reunified, and their effectiveness for God will remain. But what happens when the ministry continues to create division? How is one to be faithful to the call and loyal to the vow of marriage? Both are lifelong callings.
My wife and I grew up in a conservative church. Women could not cut their hair, wear make-up, wedding rings, or any clothing that pertained to a man. Men were to have neat short hair, no wedding ring—short sleeve shirts or shorts. If people came into our Church, they were judged on how they looked and dressed. In addition, we were not allowed to drink any alcoholic beverage, smoke, cuss, tell off-colored jokes, watch TV, go to the movies, play cards, or gamble. Anyone doing these things was not a Christian and was to be shunned. Marriage was sacred, divorce was not tolerated, and remarriage was adultery. Remarried people were not allowed to be members because it was considered practicing adultery. A divorced person was not allowed to hold any leadership position in the Church. Ministers were not allowed to perform a marriage if one or both parties were divorced.
For almost 40 years of my ministry, I have ministered to people who practice much of what I was taught and believe to be sinful. Some of these issues have caused division within my marriage. How literal are we to take the Scriptures? I do not condone drinking but see it practiced in the early Church. Marriage is sacred, but what constitutes a marriage? Divorce is not part of God's plan, but divorce seems to have scriptural provisions. How one dresses is based on modesty, not gender-related—much of what we believe is based on preference and not scripture. Often, we allow our prejudices to cloud the message of salvation. Why are we so willing to sacrifice the souls of those we are called to win to Christ because they do not have our knowledge or understanding of the scriptures?
For the life of me, I cannot understand how Christians can say they are open to reaching the lost, but when someone is placed in their life, they do not like they are not at all concerned about their soul. Over the 54 years in the ministry, I have witnessed the vicious actions of people who have driven people away from the Church and often away from God. I have listened to people heartbroken and weeping asks; why they were being treated so cruelly by people who called themselves Christian?
We are in a spiritual war, and I often wonder if I am at the right place on the battlefield? As I get older, I realize I no longer relate to many within the Church. My scriptural understanding is different from the many I minister to each week. I often feel like Paul when he stood before Festus trying to explain himself. "And as he thus spake for himself, Festus said with a loud voice, Paul, thou art beside thyself; much learning doth make thee mad." Maybe it is time to move from the frontlines of the battlefield and let young warriors move to the front.
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